In The Love Dare, today’s chapter and challenge starts off by telling a story of a room located in the deep corridors of your heart where there are kind words and phrases written that you have discovered about your spouse. I was immediately sent back in time to the beginning of my relationship with my husband, when we were still sorting out what we were to each other but knew that whatever it was, it was important. Each day, when we weren’t together, at random times, we would send each other emails or messages only containing words that described the other person. There were at least 100 words when we were finished several weeks later. Some of those words included: dashing, smart, sincere, brave, impressive, warm, captivating and dedicated.
The dare also speaks of another room, where the walls are covered in things that bother you about your spouse. Things that were placed there out of hurt, frustration, and anger. This is a room I don’t want to visit. This is a room where people fall out of love. Most likely, the first room was put to use when you first met your spouse, in the initial stages of your relationship. The other room was more frequented after time has passed in your relationship, stress has entered, and the spark has faded. Love decides not to live in this room. I choose not to spend any time in this room.
No matter how bad things get in my relationship or how ugly a fight turns, I try not to throw out any words that could end up on the walls of this second room. However, I am also guilty of not lingering in the first room long enough. After remembering the list of words from the beginning of our relationship, I went back to find that list and dove head first in to files upon files of messages of all kinds that I had saved from the first few years of our relationship and marriage. Not many days went by where we didn’t share a special feeling or remind the other person of just how much we loved them. We don’t do that nearly enough anymore. I let life get in the way. I put other things before my husband and our marriage on days when I get overwhelmed with my to-do list. I act selfish and unkind.
So today’s challenge was just what I needed and today’s topic was just the motivation I needed to dive in to some old memories and bring them back to the surface again!
Since I had just re-read so many of our old messages, the first list of positive things was easy for me to write. The second list of negative things, thankfully, didn’t flow so easily. It might have made the challenge a little difficult for me, but it sure made me feel great about our relationship and my attitude toward it and my husband. If I had a hard time thinking of negative things about my spouse, maybe that means I’m spending more time in that first room in the corridors of my heart. Maybe that means, I give him the benefit of the doubt and that my love believes the best in him! I did come up with just a couple of things, but my positive list is much larger in comparison and for that I’m so proud. I’m interested to see how we will use each of these lists in later challenges.
The final part of the challenge was to choose one item from my positive list and thank my husband for having this characteristic. The characteristic I chose to thank him for was the way he ALWAYS tries to do things to make my life easier. He tidies up, takes our daughter to some of her activities so I can have a break or just takes her to do something so I can get some alone time, fixes little issues that don’t really matter but make things easier for me, etc. He just always has my back, even when I don’t realize I need him to. Thinking about all the best things about my hubby just made me love him even more than I already do, so this exercise was great for me! I definitely recommend it!
What are some things about your spouse written on the walls of the positive room in your heart? Do you have more positive things than negative things? Which room do you spend more time in?
*The quotes and challenges in this post are not my original content and are excerpts taken from The Love Dare. The opinions and experiences in the post are my own and not directly taken from the book.